![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Title: Breathe You in Like Air
Author: CC
Fandom: The Losers
Warning: some language
Breathe You in Like Air
CC
A fall from scaffolding will seriously fuck up your day. I laid there for what felt like hours, every nerve screaming in agony before Jake found me. They tell me my pelvis was shattered and my back was broken. How they got me out of there and to the medics without paralyzing me I will never know, since at the time I was unconscious and every time I ask Jake turns green and refuses to talk about it. So here I am, months in the hospital, healing and now learning to walk again.
I miss my team as much as I miss walking. But we are all the Army's bitches and just 'cause one team member is down doesn't mean the whole team gets out of deployment. So, they replaced me and life went on. The one constant has been Jake, sure the others come to see me as well but Jake visits like clockwork. The minute they are back on post, he drops his laundry off at the cleaners, grabs a pizza and a six-pack of soda and heads to the hospital. Those visits are the bright spot that keeps me going. Jake shows up with that sunny smile and regales me for hours with stories of what they have been doing and how great things will be when I come back.
I don't have the heart to tell him that I'm not coming back. My enlistment is almost up and I have been seriously considering not re-upping. I just can't go through integrating with a new team. If I can't be a Loser then I don't want to stay in. I mean they replaced me and yeah, I know it wasn't 'cause they wanted to, it's not like the brass gave them much choice, but my spot is gone, given to another sniper and for better or worse, I am an ex-Loser. And damn that hurts worse then rehab.
They are due back today, maybe tomorrow and I know Jake will be here. I think he will be pleased with my progress. I mean hey I walked ten whole feet on my own. Yay me. Yeah, sarcasm, but right now it's what I do best. The only way I can cope with all this shit. Dios, I miss walking, I miss taking a piss in the john, I miss covering my team, but mostly I miss Jake. I miss the way he is just there; ready with a joke or a smile. Hell, I miss the constant stream of rambling facts. Yeah, I know there are people who find the incessant talking annoying, but I find his voice soothing. A reassurance that we are ok, alive, together.
The hours pass so slowly when they are gone. I read, watch a little TV and think. I don't know what I am going to do… after. I've been in the Army since I was a skinny seventeen year old. Got tapped for Spec Ops at eighteen and running missions by the time I was twenty. Been with the Losers for years now. Honestly, I don't know how to be a civvie anymore. How the hell am I supposed to fit in? I could be a cop, maybe a bodyguard I guess, but it's gonna feel like going back to riding with training wheels after competing in motor-cross. Yeah, I can do that, but is it what I want? No, mostly I just want my team back. These four men have become so much a part of me that without them, I feel like I'm missing part of my soul, and it aches like a missing limb.
He's coming. I can always tell. Don't ask me how, 'cause I don't know, I just do, but when he gets here, I will breathe his presence in like air and for a moment … for a moment it will all be better.
Author: CC
Fandom: The Losers
Warning: some language
Breathe You in Like Air
CC
A fall from scaffolding will seriously fuck up your day. I laid there for what felt like hours, every nerve screaming in agony before Jake found me. They tell me my pelvis was shattered and my back was broken. How they got me out of there and to the medics without paralyzing me I will never know, since at the time I was unconscious and every time I ask Jake turns green and refuses to talk about it. So here I am, months in the hospital, healing and now learning to walk again.
I miss my team as much as I miss walking. But we are all the Army's bitches and just 'cause one team member is down doesn't mean the whole team gets out of deployment. So, they replaced me and life went on. The one constant has been Jake, sure the others come to see me as well but Jake visits like clockwork. The minute they are back on post, he drops his laundry off at the cleaners, grabs a pizza and a six-pack of soda and heads to the hospital. Those visits are the bright spot that keeps me going. Jake shows up with that sunny smile and regales me for hours with stories of what they have been doing and how great things will be when I come back.
I don't have the heart to tell him that I'm not coming back. My enlistment is almost up and I have been seriously considering not re-upping. I just can't go through integrating with a new team. If I can't be a Loser then I don't want to stay in. I mean they replaced me and yeah, I know it wasn't 'cause they wanted to, it's not like the brass gave them much choice, but my spot is gone, given to another sniper and for better or worse, I am an ex-Loser. And damn that hurts worse then rehab.
They are due back today, maybe tomorrow and I know Jake will be here. I think he will be pleased with my progress. I mean hey I walked ten whole feet on my own. Yay me. Yeah, sarcasm, but right now it's what I do best. The only way I can cope with all this shit. Dios, I miss walking, I miss taking a piss in the john, I miss covering my team, but mostly I miss Jake. I miss the way he is just there; ready with a joke or a smile. Hell, I miss the constant stream of rambling facts. Yeah, I know there are people who find the incessant talking annoying, but I find his voice soothing. A reassurance that we are ok, alive, together.
The hours pass so slowly when they are gone. I read, watch a little TV and think. I don't know what I am going to do… after. I've been in the Army since I was a skinny seventeen year old. Got tapped for Spec Ops at eighteen and running missions by the time I was twenty. Been with the Losers for years now. Honestly, I don't know how to be a civvie anymore. How the hell am I supposed to fit in? I could be a cop, maybe a bodyguard I guess, but it's gonna feel like going back to riding with training wheels after competing in motor-cross. Yeah, I can do that, but is it what I want? No, mostly I just want my team back. These four men have become so much a part of me that without them, I feel like I'm missing part of my soul, and it aches like a missing limb.
He's coming. I can always tell. Don't ask me how, 'cause I don't know, I just do, but when he gets here, I will breathe his presence in like air and for a moment … for a moment it will all be better.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-28 11:47 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2011-07-28 01:48 pm (UTC)From:CC
no subject
Date: 2011-07-30 08:57 pm (UTC)From:CC